So I conned my husband into going to a marriage seminar.  At our church.  He wasn’t drugged or bound and gagged.  It truly was a miracle.  The good news is it did bring us closer together as I swear I’ve never felt such love for him as when he offered to go to the bathroom and pull the fire alarm.  The other bit of news is that I only snorted with contempt only once audibly.  It happened when the speaker said we wives needed to be sure to remember to praise our husbands for their commitments to provide for the family.  In an auditorium of a few thousand couples I can’t believe I was the only snort. This week Bloomberg published an article entitled “The Perfect Husband.”  The article is a somewhat fair and balanced look at the growing trend of stay at home dads, particularly when they are married to powerful female executives.  It wasn’t the article necessarily that disturbed me.  However, the accompanying photos were really creepy.  There were a number of staged family shots where the moms were posed like modern day Don Drapers while their seemingly submissive house husbands were posed like Stepford wives.  I think I actually threw up in my mouth a little. The point being missed is that traditional roles exist less and less.  I don’t want a submissive mealy-mouthed man at home taking care of my babies.  At the same time I don’t want to feel insulted when sitting in a marriage seminar because my husband isn’t being told he should be patting me on the back for the efforts I make in the workplace for our family.  I want a partner and I want to be a partner. The lines between traditional mother-father are being blurred to the point where we need to stop feminizing men who are caretakers and butching up women who are career oriented.  If I wanted a housewife I’d be a lesbian and marry a woman.  I love that my husband is a man with a garage full of power tools who is anything but feminine.  But I also love that he can make the kids lunches, bath them, and  cuddle with them just as easily as I can. So join me me in refusing to buy into these out-dated gender based-roles.  We are partners who do not need to be boxed in by labels created to describe and define a time long past. Let’s create our own definitions of what it means to be a mom and a dad in today’s society who work and raise a family.

Advertisements