Generally speaking I’m not the girl you want at your company-wide mandatory meeting.  Chances are I will be late, I will be checking my emails the entire time, I will make fun of the speaker with my neighbor, and I probably will have to leave early.  I blame it on undiagnosed ADHD.  It really has very little to do with the quality of the information delivered or the effectiveness of the speaker (although I have been known to cut some dismal speakers out at the knees).  It’s really just that I literally cannot sit still that long – again I blame the ADHD.

Oddly enough, no one seems to have gotten the message as I continue to be invited to these events.  And this week’s meeting was turning out to be par for the course.   Until the last set of speakers got up to talk.  Management may have finally figured out how to keep  me in line:  bring in a couple of Navy Seals and an arsenal of guns.  I kid you not, corporate brought in two Navy Seals to talk to us about something called Operational Alpha and how to apply it to our teams to make us more effective – blah, blah, blah, blah.

First thing I noticed is that not only did I shut up and give them my undivided attention but so did every other person in the room.  I swear you could hear a pin drop.  I couldnt’ figure out if it was the peaker’s demeanor, the fact that he could kill us with his bar hands, or the arsenal fo guns that kept us all in line but all I knew is that I wanted me some of that.

I spent the next hour trying to figure out how to steal some of their operational alpha for use at home.  I had visions of standing in front of my two squirrels – er sons – and commanding their rapt attention.  I am getting goosebumps just thinking about it now!  As the Seals talked I had fantasies of my two monsters at home obeying every order I barked out just like the Seals had us doing.  My heart races even now contemplating the possibilities:  pick up your room, brush your teeth, stop hitting your brother.  To never have to utter the words “because I said so” again is cause for celebration.  I sat there trying to figure out how to get what they have – command and control.

Then they showed us how they got their mojo – or operational alpha – by showing us clips from Hell Week.  Which if you haven’t seen before is, well, exactly what it sounds like:

So I’ve decided to take my chances with the squirrels and leave the heavy lifting (and Hell Week) to the professionals.